Friday, May 21, 2010

Family ?

If you have been following any of my blogs in the last few years, and there have been many blogs,  then you know my family life was not the most shinny of them all. It was fairly grubby.  For those who haven't, it would take a few hours and many trays of Comos and Tartinis to explain. 

Put it simply = bad childhood.

Like many of the people I grew up with, I came from a broken home.  My parents are NOT legally divorced for; well legal reasons, but they have been separated for close to 14 years. 
I think I knew one person in all the years of school who had a happy family life.  One person from Junior Kindergarden to College who's parents were happily or at lest semi-happily married. 
I went to school with the same group of kids my whole school years.   That's the same 85 faces every day for 16 years.  Age 5-21 -Junior Kindergarden to College  remember. 
Out of those 85 people, 73 have kids who are now teenagers.   You do the math. Both of it.  No, confused... they all had babies when they were in highschool and you can play connect the dots as to who's half brother/sister to each other. 

One of the many reasons I don't date the men in this city.  They are all guys I went to school with and they are all dads to kids from women I went to school with. 

Somehow we always managed to have a house full.  My sister and I always ended up being the getaway house.  Most of our friends family lives were a million times worse then what we were dealing with.  We were the escape pod so to speak. 
It worked separate results on each of us. My sister has never lived alone, where as I moved out as soon as I was able and have never lived with anyone.   Hell, just having a boyfriend say the weekend is too much for me. I want to be married I really really do, but I need my space, I don't know if I'd ever be able to handle having someone around 24/7

I read something online that had me wondering about family and how we deal with things.  I keep meeting men who still live with their parent/s.   Guys who have moved back because of money or health issues.  And I completely understand that.  Both my grandmothers lived with us for  years each at different points in my life. Both after the deaths of my grandfathers. 

Many of the people I went to school with swore they would not end up like their parents. Divorced, or single moms to begin with.  Over half of them did though. 

Are we destined to end up like our parents?  I know the old saying, you can't choose the family you are born in to but you can choose the one you make.  Is that really true? 
Every time I think I have found people I trust enough to be a "family" for me, I ended worse off then before.  And if all the men are mamma's boys, still living in their basement bedrooms is there anything to be done of it?

I know bit of a ramble tonight.