Thursday, April 4, 2019

A random Thursday

Spudguns!, we are 210 Days till Hallowe'en. 

I sit here more and more staring at my social media pages feeling the pressure to add stuff to them. Isn't that the craziest feeling? That strange expectedness to keep producing candyfloss. That ever turning surface noise we've gotten used to. Well, I blame the audience. Oh yeah man, righty-ho righty-ho. If my generation was the white-noise television generation, than this new desire for constant social media flabbering is more than just the next step in the greedy love me generation. It's like here's the cliff  my lemmings jump.

You know I'm right. You hate to admit when I'm right, but I know you know that I know I'm right.

Sadly, as I just confessed, I'm far from immune to the social media fill me up phase of things. I'm just spent out man. Totally drained of love and emotion from the lingering talons of the media machine. That crazy followers count that screams how many people are willing to worship at your stone cold feet. I don't think I can handle watching it spit and sputter in the degrees it does like it's lapdog of despair.

Last year, it became all about trying and failing horribly for me, to make a series of posts, videos etc that connected into something. My facebook page had some mild success with keeping my own interest, therefore making some sense. But everything else suffered under the weight of it. This year, as I return to blogging, the only thing I've been able to put my mind into is the daily Hallowe'en countdown. And I'm not even doing that in the style my readers expect.

That's where my mind's at today.

Tuesday, March 26, 2019

That Tuesday Post

Spudguns!, we are 219 Days till Hallowe'en. Seems like such a small number doesn't it? When  it's still seven months off.

Speaking of numbers, so last week I had a birthday. I got nothing. I had gotten up that morning with one thing on my mind. Going to the party stores in town. I wanted a balloon. Or a card, or something with my age on it. What I found was a whole lot of nothing. I don't know about where you are, but here, you had every age until you hit "30" then it was just in tens. My age was glossed over like it didn't exist.  Great, like I wasn't feeling bad enough about this birthday as it was.
I've never had an issue before spouting off my age, or my height or weight for that matter. But this time, I had moments where I would just think about it and the number would get caught in my throat. My throat got dry like I'd breathed in hairspray and I would feel nearly ill.

I think it's because at this age, I still haven't achieved my real goals. I look around and see everyone else having long since met theirs.  They say dreams have no expiration date, but I'm finding it harder and harder to believe.

Thursday, March 21, 2019

It must be a Thursday

Spudguns!, how's you? Good to hear.

So this angry guy freaked out on me. You know how I used to call myself  "the queen of your evil dreams". Well, ends up some dude found that offensive because I'm a girl. Yeah, I know right. 

I had this guy following me on twitter for a bit, and he started to follow me on instagram. That's when he got upset and messaged me telling me I can't use the term "queen" because I'm not a drag queen. And I'm thinking to myself, I haven't actually used that catchphrase in a few years. I know I still have it attached to my twitter, but I've been "the ghoul next door" for years now.

Odd, what will set people off though eh? So yeah that made for an interesting morning.

And then the construction started. They are building an elevator in my building after a billion years of not having one. The building is going to be hell for the next few months. I thought they were going to drill right through my living room wall at one point this morning.

We are 224 Days till Hallowe'en

Tuesday, March 19, 2019

Mercury rears it's head once more

Spudguns!, we are 226 days till Hallowe'en. And good old Mercury is in retrograde this month. It turned on us on the 5th of March and will stay there until the 28th.

You know what that means. For those that don't  electronic/computer issues, accidents, travel delays, communication screw ups and general frustrations because of these.

Anyone doing tarot readings, the Tower is probably turning up like mad this month too. Most likely you're seeing the same sort of theme in all your readings no matter who you're doing readings for. Yeah, I feel your pain man.

I'm actually finding the Hermit card has been plaguing me the last week. Every reading no matter what deck I use, there he is.  The Hermit is a card about doorways, thresholds and finding that unknown truth. It's like that old saying, there are three sides to every story; yours mine and the truth.  The Hermit is that guy.

Okay dude, I am trying to get back into a more normal flow of blogging, and sometimes a babble is just what is needed.

kiss kiss noise.

Monday, March 18, 2019

Dorkdom never ends

Spudguns!, it's a Monday, or as I've been calling them on facebook Moan-Day, we are 227 days till Hallowe'en, and I feel fine.

Total lie, feel lost. I have a major birthday this week and I feel like there is this giant pressure to complete things I just haven't done yet. Mid-life crisis at it's best eh?  And for the first time in my life, I can honestly say I don't have any friends.

Nope, not a one. Can't even say at the moment that I have any casual acquaintances. I mean man, there are over a hundred people living in my building, and I haven't gotten to know anyone in the almost five years I've been living here. Dude, even I know that's messed up.

I just find myself the older I get, the less I can connect to people. Actually, the less I want to connect to people.

I watched the movie Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society the other day, and all I could think was that was a cool idea. The whole thing from the get together bits to the letter to the well...I got longing for when things were sort of like that. Total nostalgia for just twenty-five years ago even.  I actually had pen pals growing up. This one guy used to send me mixed tapes all the time. I miss that.

Well, that is where my mind is today.

Saturday, December 15, 2018

Can I scream now?

Stats: it's a Saturday Dec 15th 2018 a few days from the Winter Solstice/Yule.
        : we are 320 Days away from next Hallowe'en.
        : the weather around the planet is very unpredictably unusual.
        :being sober has given me massive writers block.

Okay, now with that out of the way, my lovely Spudguns!, how are you all?  I don't even find me funny anymore. The kind of blog post that used to take me twenty minutes to write, now takes me two days. The kind of blog post that used to take me five hours to write, now takes me two weeks. The endless sea of gimmicks no longer jive. Never mind the fact I haven't written anything uncensored offline in over five years. I do think that might be part of it...having to censor myself for the blogs. Anyways.

Too much quiet reflection can make you sick of things. I know I sort of bitched and complained while back about not being able to really promote myself the way I see others doing it. And that still pretty much stands. I can't keep that smile plastered to my words in that can do attitude, because I am not hotwired that way...or is it wetwired...maybe its just that as a member of Generation X, we are all slackers. Yeah, let's go with that idea.

What an idea eh? A generation that spent it's whole time defining what made it -it. From movies like Singles, Reality Bites, and Slacker, to that whole grunge vs metal vs hip hop thing. And now, this current generation are semi-living it all live on the internet. Dude, just between you and me, I have no idea what they are calling this generation now?  Millennials or Echo Boomers, or Gen Z or whathaveyou?    Gen Z. Just makes me think of zombies. Gen-Zoms. Well, it fits doesn't it? My generation was all about Dracula, this generation is all about Walking Dead. Totally fits.

As I work through my lack of self respecting silent aggression; I hope everything is shinny where you are today.

kiss kiss noise.

Monday, September 10, 2018

And then there was the Monday

The Swords keep popping up in the tarots the last week and a half. Like the whole suit all the time, no matter how much I shuffle.  The Swords are about rational thought, logical directions, separation, overthinking. The cards of the mind. I've talked before about how when the universe wants me to understand something, or even pass a message on to someone else, the cards will repeat like this until I do.  It's one of those situations.  So on with it...the Ace of Swords and the Queen of Swords have been plaguing me. I'm not in the mood to get into complete detail about them, so the highlights are...Queen equals separation, widow, divorce and independence. Ace equals conquest, force, champion, arguments.   All in all, cold and sometimes angry cards.

We are 51 Days till Hallowe'en.

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