Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Am I failing with men cause I'm failing with money?

My buddy seems to think so. I just spent the last hour on a long distance call with my buddy Gerry. I've known him now for 18 years, and both our lives have had a lot of ups and downs.

He is also physically disabled but he's never let it get in his way. For anyone who hasn't been reading my other blogs, I have Osteogenesis Imperfecta Type 1.     Commonly known as  brittle bones. 

This is something you are born with.  You have good cycles and bad ones.  Most of my life has been filled with doctors appointments, long hours sitting in x-rays, mountains of pain pills, and a large fear of ice.  It's impossible to get out of debt or have a decent life when you are stuck on disability. 

Which is why I am hoping my novel gets me somewhere and why it's driving me crazy trying to finish it.

But you know,  I blogged about all that last summer on the old blog in a post I called  "Fan Art for the MMG or According to my Sister I need to get out more"  and mentioned it in the post I did the other week about the local wrestling having been in town 

Anyway, my buddy Gerry feels that the reason I keep attracting such losers is because I'm not successful.  That, and he feels I think too much about having a husband and therefore it's a case of a watched pot never boils.    So true so true.

Well, here's the thing,  it's all well and good right now when I'm in a good cycle (no current broken parts and only minor pain)  but when I'm in a bad cycle, everything goes out the window. 

Not only do I need a decent guy,  I need him to be able to handle things when the bad cycles happen. Success or not, I have to know he's not going to run away when the O.I. acts up.   Or for that matter, if any success I have with my writing stops and I end up back to being poor.   

I also know  I want a guy to know that I'm with him for him not his wallet.