Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Tuesday night after 9

Been a weird few days.  Can't believe in a few hours we will be in Dec. already.   Where did the year zip off to?

I know, back earlier in the year, (might have been the old blog?)  I said I was going to face my fears this year.  I did a few and still have many.
One of the things was to go back to a bar, as I have not stepped foot in a bar (there has been hotel lounges but that's not a bar- bar) since 2004. Because I'm terrified of bumping into my Ex the musician/dj  
I have yet to face that fear of going to a bar again.  It's still a stupid but big fear.  One I KNOW once I do get over it, I'll truly get over it.

Another fear was talking to Mr. Shelley.  Yeah, the dude intimidates me massively.  Few people in my social circle would say I managed to face that fear via the blogging, and some would say that Myspace email at the earlier part of the year that I was pestered into would cover it too.  Hmm. The Myspace doesn't count as he never replied back.
So depends on your point of view I suppose on that fear. Time will crawl.

Hmmm.  Both my major fears have to do with men. 
Men, can't live with them and it's illegal to shoot them.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Echoing loneliness

Right. So I was back on Twitter just now, and I see that whomever it was that had left me a mention on there, deleted it.  So the strangeness of it remains, but someone retweeted my morning tweet.  No clue who.  Suppose it doesn't matter.

Does anyone else when they use twitter feel like they're screaming into the dark?  No just me then.

I don't know, it always reminds me of that game when you're a kid where you string to soup cans together and try to talk.  You know how it's an echoing muffle. Seriously dude,  with everyone and their dog's grandmother all twittering at the same time, how does anyone manage to keep up?  I'm only following 11 people on mine, and it's craziness with major amounts of tweets coming in at the same time from all of them. 

So the book for review this week is "365 Thank Yous"   by John Kralik.   It's a memoir of one year of his life.  I'm half way through it. 
But it's got me thinking,  we don't communicate the way we used to.  As a society and as individuals. 
I've been trying to change how I communicate in general, and my TNA Spudguns will notice a massive drop in my silly posts. 

Okay, so the holidays are coming at us with a speed of lightening and I'm starting to feel it.  Even though I said I was going to be easier on myself this year, and I am actually,  it's still weighing down on me.  Another winter single. It sucks in a bad way.

Some one has been sharing my stuff without my okay

I could not figure out why I seem to be so frealing popular in Russia.  But 90% of my hits have been from there in the last month. 
I checked my stats logs and it seems someone has linked my entire frealing blog to something called box.net  which shares files. 

Dude not fucking cool. 

It might not seem like much to whomever did this, as it is a blog, but it's MY blog.  My work, my diary my life! 

When I saw my blog being turned into pieces for TNA and even quoted on WWE,  I was honored! I worked really long hours on the wrestling stuff and that meant everything to me.  But to see my life being passed off as someone else's... that just hurts. 

Well it is a Monday

You know that line from that old Skid Row song Monkey Business, "freaks come out at 9 it's twenty to 10"

Yeah, it's one of those days and it's only 9:15 AM.

So, the author interview is up on the book blog,  and I went to Twitter to post one last reminder for the giveaway, and there was a mention for me.  I never think to check Twitter messages cause I am not a big twitter-er.  But, damn if there wasn't the strangest one sitting there for me.  No idea who or what they were trying to say. 

Still hoping that the Strombo reads the one I had sent to him, cause that would be cool.  Mind you, he hasn't read my stuff in a long while. I think I might have burned a bridge in the CBC

Let's talk about Youtube for a second shall we, I keep getting youtube invites from the foodie community which is cool.  Odd, cause I only have something like one or two My Newfie Kitchen episodes on Youtube.  I also get alot of requests on there from indie wrestling companies, which makes more sense cause I did a full but short season of my Blind Tag stuff last year.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Wouldn't that make it a Moose Pie?

"Can you check the Newfie cook book there and grab me a seal flipper pie recipe?"  Cousin asked the other day.

"Good luck trying to find any seal meat here, aren't we one of the places that it's illegal to have it?"

"I'm using moose meat.  Still have that tang"

"Then it's not a seal flipper pie, it's a moose pie. Just a shot in the dark there."  I said with a giggle.

"Shut up and find  me the recipe already."  Cousin said.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Thursday night 6pm

I've come in here about four times today. There are a few things I wanted to talk about, but each time I would start blogging it,  something would stop me.  Now, I'm like "okay I give up".

I finally got to see LAST WEEK's TNA Reaction.  It was a full week late and the stupid video player crashed more times then I can count.  I had to reload the page so often and shut down my browser at one point because it froze it. 
No, I did not bother to try to do a review of it.  It's a 45 minute show (without commercials)  and it takes sometimes close to two and a half hours to get through because of the tech issues on the Spike site. 

Anyways, not even why I came in here right now.  Nor does it feel like it matters. 

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Legacy of Pemberley

I've been informed I am giving away 2 copies of the latest book by Rebecca Ann Collins.  The Legacy of Pemberley from her series of Jane Austen sequels.

So if you are interested and live in Canada or the U.S.  then please head over to my book review blog and leave a comment with your name/email/and if you're in Canada or the U.S. 
The two winners will be announced next week on the 29th of Nov (2010) when I host an interview with the author. 

I don't want to deal with it

They say you push away from and resist the things you want most in life.  Things you are meant to follow/become.  
Right.  You've heard me bitching about how the only men I am meeting are musicians and actors and how tired I am of that.  Right.
Cousin pointed out to me that I am drawn to these guys for a reason.  It's the Dionysusian factor. 

You can either look up Dionysus or... he is the God of music, art, poetry, wine, drums, fertility,  dancing, sex... Basically your typical rockstar.  Dionysus/Bacchus is my male element, my daemon, my God. 
Those of you who've been following me for awhile already know this. 

I keep finding myself entangled with musicians. And it seems I keep finding myself entangled with them cause my spirituality. 

So I'm doomed it would seem.   Speaking of doomed,  did you know that in the 1200's (or around that time) there was a bass note that was banned by the church.  It's the bass note that activates the lower Chakras (root chakra) in your body. They called it the "devil's note"  The same bass note that is used in heavy metal music.  Black Sabbath was one of the first bands to really put a push on this note.  HMmm.  Maybe Ozzy really is the devil?

No, I'm not a musician can't even read music BUT with my romantic track record I might as well just given in and admit when I do get married it will more then likely be to a singer or something. 

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Page of Cups, it's a beautiful card

The ultimate card of sensitivity.  The Page of Cups always represents someone who is in touch with their emotions and not afraid to show you.  It's also a card of shyness, study, wonder, faith.  Pages are all messenger cards.  Letters or omens normally follow this card, as do new love/relationships.

I've found that even the ugliest, creepiest of tarot decks manage to make the Page of Cups look beautiful, lighter, joyful even.(this is from the Gothic Tarot of Vampires)
And of course, it's a card that has been haunting me for the last month.  It's no secret I wear my heart on my sleeve, I see no point not to. I hate surprises.

The thing with tarots is, depending on where they show up in your reading, how often they show up, and what card is right beside it, they can represent yourself or someone else.
The Page of Cups is one not too be taken lightly, even though it shines out with innocence.

I've been struggling with this card as of late, trying to understand WHO it's representing, (as it has been showing up with the Ace of Cups, and Lovers both cards for true love) Just myself or someone new?

Friday, November 19, 2010

Note to self- don't sweat the small stuff

You know how while back I made a comment about how some lady thought the binge eating scene in my vampire chef story was a rape and how I would rant later.

It's later.  And now, it no longer seems so .... important.

Here's the thing.  My Spudguns who've been reading me for awhile, might remember in the summer I said I had joined a writer's forum.  That was the story I used.  Also I might add, the first thing other then poems I have ever had the guts to put on the internet, so yay me. 
Well, anyways, I got alot of good feedback for the first half of He's Haunting Me.  Some even came to the bloggy-blog to leave comments and not just on the group/emails. 
Most people were thinking it was going to be a sweet little story about a nice little couple who come from the opposite way of life.  You know,  that whole the guy is so frealing hot that he can have any woman in the city his little prick desires... hey I didn't say cock this time which by far is my favouirte term- but ends up falling for the less then plain girl; typical bulldren.

Weren't they all shocked and awed and even a little tummy turned when I sprang out the fangs.  Well lack of fangs actually, I'm not one who uses fangs too often. Yeah, seems I offended a few people with my neck biting and flesh tearing. 


I had one lady tell me that my "rape depiction was a offence to women"  and that I have no right to be demoralizing everyone with my lack of dignity.

See, I shouldn't be writing this cause I'm getting pissed off again just thinking about it. 

First off, it's not a rape, it's a binge eating.  The whole thing is laced with food from start to finish.
Second, you're going to find what you are looking for if you are always looking for it.  In other words, if you are looking for something that represents a rape scene then you're going to find it even if it's not really there. 

See, this is what really pissed me off about the whole issue. In the last fifteen years, more so then any other time in the history of media/books/movies,  the vampire has been seen as a sexual element, nearly sainted when it shouldn't be.  Everyone has thrown out the other uses for it. 

The Vampire is the most versatile character in literature and has been used for every kind of metaphor there is. 
Dracula's main themes are fear of immigrants, and women's liberation.  Not denying the sexual element is in Dracula, but it's not the only element. 
Anne Rice's novels are about religion and acceptance.  Yes, religion. From book one all the way through.  The element of faith runs hot and cold in Anne Rice's works. 
Lost Boys, about family and feeling like you just aren't worthy enough to fit in. 
Red Blooded American Girl,  is about diseases. Right off, AIDS and Cancer.
Vampire's Kiss is about madness and paranoia.

I could yammer on like this for awhile but you get the point.

It just really gets under my skin how with the whole teenaged goth movement in the last fifteen or so years, how people only connect vampires with sexuality.  Could be why the werewolves and zombie movies are starting to pick up speed.  At lest they still keep their metaphors intact and still mean something beyond the brainwashed.

That concludes tonight's bitchfest.  I return you now to your regularly scheduled blog.

7pm Friday Night Nov 19th 2010

Now that's a record for me.   I not only read the latest book for review in under two days, I got the interview questions in too.

Damn I'm smooth.

There is a massive wind storm here tonight, for once I am glad I have nowhere to go.

Wind down will consist of coffee, much needed coffee and a dvd.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

It's official...I've lost my mind

I used screen capture for this post

For anyone who might have seen the comics I made last year on the old blog, this is for you.  I no longer have the comic program as it was a demo and I have been unable to find it again, but I used the Office program thingie.  Why? you are asking.... um cause I'm sitting here on a Thursday night with a splitting headache from reading and feel like my mind is pudding.

I know not half as funny as the old stuff, but then again you know I admit I've lost my edge.  I'm just trying to keep from throwing myself out a window tonight. 

Hey! Lest it wasn't cookies this time.

Ever feel like Fanny Price....

banished from Mansfield Park?

No just me then. 

I had a book dork emergency,  I was out of coffee and had to go to the grocery.  Standing in the slowest checkout, I swear they see me coming now and shove the trainees into the nearest checkout.  Anyways, it's only been like two days since I was out last and they've taken out the last four checkstands and replaced them with four of those self serve ones.  This is suppose to be the express checkout now. 

You know what, not one single person was using them.  People were standing in lines that went into the middle of the flower shop and bakery because they wanted a proper checkout person.  What does that tell you?

Thunder Bay is just not a self serve city.  Just isn't.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

10pm Okay

I'm finished the review thank god. It's scheduled for just after midnight to post on my book blog

Now, I have till Friday to get the next one read and the questions for the author handed in.  If I actually get to the bottom of the pile of books I have for review (which is now sitting at 12 books before the end of January) I will be more then amazed.

Seriously,  I think once I get through this next one, that I can crank out at lest 7 of the 12 on time. There are a few that are over 800 pages that I know for fact I won't get done on time.

This is the average size of book that the publishers send me.  They're unedited advanced copies, some have the covers but most don't.  We're talking the size of phone books at times.

photo by ME hcvp'2010

You know what else sucks....

about book reviews, is when you get on a roll totally into the plot points you have to make, dissecting the characters and then BAM! you get shocked back to reality by some nutball at the front door screaming and pounding trying to get into the building. 

Yeah, I have a midnight deadline for this one review and few minutes ago there was a massive issue between some asswipe and the landlord.  They were screaming, the guy trying to get in was banging on the main door trying to break the glass and everything.  

Now, totally out of my groove with the review I was working on.  Not too mention still shaking from the whole thing.  I really need to move soon.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Maybe I just want to break your Heart

I was once told I would make a great goth model by some randomly anonymous commenter on my very first blog.  I took great offence (offense if you're american) to that comment. 
I had one ex boyfriend tell me I was cripplingly sexy.  I freaked out on him thinking he was mocking me.
I've gotten alot of remarks from uberly creepy old guys and eighteen year olds. I'm still waiting for something in between.

In the end, like every other woman on the planet, maybe I just want to break your heart.
Maybe I just want to be what keeps you up all night, dreaming wetly as you stare at the ceiling, giving you a fresh round of carpal tunnel syndrome.

We all like to hear that we're desirable and the object of someone's affection.  The problem is, when I hear it from the rare lips of a man, I can't help but think it's coming from a forked tongue.
Even though, I just want to be your factory girl. Your favourite faded photo. Etched in your mind and heart.

Always remember, no matter who you are or what you've done lately at some point when it's right, love will keep you up all night.

6:55 PM

And my back is killing me.

Oh my dear Spudguns, we're all in a fine mess now.  My sister the Ninja, is waiting for an MRI now.  Yeah, big mess.  She's not even sure what she's done to herself but she's done something to herself. Big time.  Her right arm is messed up.  The emergency doctor sent her for a round of X-Rays and they found nothing, but he wants to make sure it's nothing major. 
Thinks it's a pinched nerve or slipped/herniated disc.  She can't move her right arm more then an inch and her fingers have become so swollen she can't use her hand.  

Of course she's right handed.  And she works as a medical secretary. 

Yeah, I know, my family should have their own X-Ray room we're there so often.  It's the O.I. and it's starting to hit my sister in abundance. 

Tuesday morning thinking of food

Taking a short break this morning from the book reviews cause I'm getting a headache, and have Julie/Julia in the dvd player.  It's got me thinking, about a few foodie movies that are on my can't wait list. 

One is Soul Kitchen  which I believe gets a Canadian dvd release next month.  It's a subtitled film about a guy who's cafe is going downhill till he hires a prize winning chef.   I saw a trailer for it months ago and have been waiting as impatiently as I can for it to be released here.

Today's Special  was just released in the cinema this week.  Of course, it's not scheduled for my city cause Thunder Bay sucks.  But it's on my can't wait list.  When I first saw the poster for this one few months ago, I wasn't too sure about it, as it's about an East Indian chef, and after having been greatly disappointed by another East Indian foodie film Cooking with Stella; well the trailer for Today's Special changed my mind.  It's suppose to be about a sous chef who has to return to his family diner and take over the business.

The last foodie movie on my can't wait list is a documentary called Kings of Pastry  which also was just released in Canada about a month ago, which once again did not come here and I have to wait for the dvd.  My city sucks I know.  But it's a documentary on the pastry masters competition.

They all look yummy and I can't wait....

Monday, November 15, 2010

Monday night Nov 15th

Well, the weekend came and went and I never heard anything else from International Model Guy.  I should have known better then to have gotten my hopes up on him.
My original instinct was that he was a player.  Always follow your instincts.

Oh well BooHoo.

It's officially winter here.  It snowed yesterday and today.  You have not had cold weather till you've had a Thunder Bay winter.   Cold is an understatement.

Oh god it had gelatin

I don't eat the kind of desserts the way I used to. 

No, not counting calories, I'm a foodie remember,  but I am a vegetarian. I've also been trying to cook as vegan as possible. Which given the fact I have O.I. Type 1; is impossible because I need all the calcium I can get.  Cutting out dairy completely can't be done.  Damn I miss yogurt.  

Why do you miss yogurt and where are you going with this ?

Gelatin.  Gelatin is made from animal parts, mostly bone marrow.  Icky.   Which means, marshmellows,  jello-puddings, certain yogurts, and many of those type of desserts are out for me.  Yeah, I'm a label reader for this reason, drives my mom and sister insane when they go grocery shopping with me and on the rare lunch out.

Which brings me to my next rant/observation, certain cookies, crackers and even soups are a no-no too.  Why, because they are made with animal fat and beef/chicken stock. 

And you my dear Spudguns are still scratching your skulls asking what brought all this on today?

When you have been a vegetarian for as long as I have,  having something as simple as a piece of cake with gelatin in it, can cause your system to react as if you've got food poisoning.  Even when it's not.  It's just the foreign substance in your intestines causing your system to freak out till it's out of you.

While at mom's last night, there was cake.  Raspberry chocolate cake.  See where I am heading with this now.  The label on the cake box failed to mention this item. 

Many, many food labels fail to mention that they are indeed NOT Vegan/Vegetarian friendly.  Our local grocery store has gotten better at their instore made items; but still the main warnings are for nuts/soya/dairy  and not animal fats. 

I feel lied to, and still slightly vomit worthy.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Wrestling with Writer's Block... part 2

Haven't written a thing on my novel in almost two months.  Completely stuck on what to do with my one male lead.
Normally I would watch some wrestling and zone out until I got a spark. But it's not working.   It might as well be white noise right now for all the good it's doing.

And then I saw this..... 

..... and now I have a few notes for a scene where my lead male is (yes the one I wrote the cereal scene for last time) doing a round of bad dating.  (some of my own dating horror stories will end up in it) Now, you are thinking, how can seeing a bunch of X-Division wrestlers playing a round of musical chairs back in 2006 spark a scene in the infamous novel where the lead is dating? 

Elementary my dear Watson.  They are going round and round and no one is really winning or playing fair. Much like dating in general.  That and look at how hot Alex Shelley looks there.  I thought the metaphor  of blindly jumping into the crowd worked well for that. 

When the time comes and I actually get this thing finished and published (which at this rate will be sometime in the next decade) I'll have to thank the X-Division big time. 

I might have gotten my Muse back.

Lights out in the Library (part 4)

Part One can be found here   Part Two here   and Part Three here 

"Dude is jealous" Galvin said swinging his messengers bag on his shoulder, looking around slightly as he started to climb the stairs.

"Jealous of what? You?" Lyell said giggling. "You give yourself too much credit." he gripped the railing as he made the turn towards the next flight.

"Jealous of you. I saw the way she was looking at you. And here you were the one scolding me..."

"Scolding yes. You deserved to be scolded." Lyell replied looking over his shoulder in the semi darkness of the stairway at his younger brother. "You see the size of that man. You should be glad he's not jealous. Could toss you fifty feet if he wanted to with one hand."  they continued for another moment their shoes squeaking on the stairs as they made it to the landing and opened the door to the library.  "uh oh." Lyell said as he felt his brother slam into him. "Aren't the lights suppose to be on?" he shrugged in a wince before moving towards where the front doors were, only a few strains of light peeking from the edges of the windows, from the street lights to see by. He didn't need to try the door, there was a flashing light on the security box to his right.  The library was closed for the night and locked tight.

"We're locked in?" Galvin asked his hand out palm up fingers spread wide. "How can we be locked in? The place doesn't close till 9pm it's only..." he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and looked at the display "7:45pm."

"It's open till 9pm Monday to Thursday.  Today is Friday. It's closed at 7pm." Lyell said letting his hands slap against his jeaned thighs. "Come on, back downstairs find out where the exit is that Hermia and Riggs use. See if we need a key."

"Back down stairs?" Galvin started to chew on his lower lip. "Back to where Riggs is? Riggs who you just finished telling me is jealous?"

"Any better ideas hot shot. Come on scared of your own shadow." Lyell said shaking his head at him heading back towards the stairway.  Galvin stood there for a moment his eyes adjusting to the darkness before lowering his head to his chest and shrugging. 

A dizzy feeling came over Galvin once again as they passed the room few doors away from the storage room. Reaching out, he leaned on the doorframe his right hand to his temple.  
"You okay?" Lyell asked his younger brother.

"I just need to sit for a minute. Headache." he stammered as he shuffled towards the nearest chair.  The lights were off as he slipped on something.  Galvin was flat on his back his hip hurting from landing on his messenger's bag. "Well there goes my hip" he mumbled as Lyell moved his hand across the wall looking for the switch. 

A scream escaped his brother once the lights were on. Galvin was laying face to face with a very large very dead skunk.  Lyell burst out laughing at him.  "You moron. You knocked over a display case. It's stuffed."

"I slipped in something. Aw man! I'm all wet. What the hell....?" he brought his hands up to see the clear liquid splashed all over his right side. Wiping his hands in his jeans he rubbed at his right knee. "Smells like rotten eggs."

"Sulfur maybe? It is a basement.  Could be anything down in here."


Part 5 soon

TNA Reaction for Nov 11th 2010

We open with the tail end of the match between Matt Morgan the evil druid vs Douglas Williams/Beer Money Inc.   Morgan won. 
Jeff Hardy came out then with an attack from behind and the ugliest belt I've seen ever.  EVER! 

Cut to camera 1, Bishoff and Hogan talking about the new direction and the new ugly belt.

Cut to camera 2, Matt Morgan the evil druid talking about how the ref did a bad job at the ppv.

Cut to camera 3, Jeff Hardy talking about a rematch with Morgan.

Cut to camera 4, Brother Devon talking about Brother Ray and the turn.

Cut to camera 5, RVD and Tommy Dreamer talking about the screw job by EV2's Rhino

Cut to camera 3 again, Hardy promo. Giving a bit more on his new view of the world. There is a reason he's got the black and purple going for anyone who's not into the occult... I'll leave it at that.

Cut to camera 1 again, Hogan yammering on about how the business needed a twisting up. And Bishoff talking about the need to strip it all down and rebuild.  That would be the Death and Tower cards in tarot.

THEN THE VIDEO PLAYER CRAPPED OUT!   this is on the Spike official site.  I don't know if it's the video player you guys are using, or if there was tech issues with the tape the other night, or if it's where there is so many people logging on to watch that it caused a traffic jam but there was about 6minutes of footage that just stayed paused on Hardy's close up but the clock was still counting down that it should be playing. 

Cut to camera 2 again, Morgan talking about the ref being a rookie, this would be at the 15minute mark of the show on the site.

Cut to camera 6, Robert Roode discussing the handicap match he was part of earlier in the night.

Cut to camera 7, Kaz talking about how Douglas Williams lost the match earlier.

Cut to camera 4, back to Brother Devon talking about getting knocked out by Ray.

Cut to camera 8, we see Brother Ray start to beat the crap out of the interviewer... seriously? That guy is back in the wrestling business?  That dude from Wonder Years... isn't he part of the reason WCW went under? 

Cut to camera 6 again, Beer Money Inc giving their point of view on the end of Team 3D.... how much trouble would I get if I asked James Storm to cut his hair like an inch?  Beautiful man too long hair.

Cut to camera 5 again, RVD on trust. then Tommy Dreamer showed off his scares

Cut to camera 9, Jay Lethal talking about how Cookie is the issue not Robbie. This could be a very interesting feud.

Cut to camera 10 Robbie and Cookie talking like ....
Then Another tech issue where it skipped a good five minutes worth.  Dude, I must have reloaded the damned page 6 times and it still jumped to the end segment.
Cut to camera 11 Rhino talking about Sabu.
Cut to camera 6 again, brief bit of Beer Money Inc, before jumping into Abyss talking about the end of an era.  Jump to Kaz and A.J. Styles being uber angry.

Not too bad an episode this week, minus all the tech issues. Seriously, it's a 42minute show; it should not take me 2 hours to watch because of all the tech issues.

No I did not do a post for Impact this week cause once again, I thought Impact blew goat. 

Reaction gets a C

Friday, November 12, 2010

Friday Night Nov 12th 2010

Synchronicity- when events that seem to not be related but happen  simultaneously and are indeed related.

You have heard me say more then once that I believe in many things.  

I've been thinking alot about family the last few days and what it means to me.  I've also been thinking about 80's music.  Just a few minutes ago, I was sitting here thinking that I hadn't gotten a newsletter  from this one group I am part of lately, and just as I thought that the newsletter came in my emails. 
Almost the same second, I thought about the song "The Price" by Twisted Sister. 
I typed in half the word Twisted and the google search pulled up The Price music video  in the top spot. Ironic no?

In the end everything is connected, energy is energy.  

I think I 'll leave this post without an explanation.  Just be cryptic girl tonight on it.
I will say this,  if you get why I chose The Price, then leave me a comment.  

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Mr. Shelley You made me cry

I just read this week's issue of the MotorCityMachine Guns! Spike blog (Taking the Torch) and oh my! Alex Shelley made me cry.  No joke, I cried when I read what he had to say.

Then I got mad.  Why, Because he admitted to having an issue with something and then made excuses for it.  DUDE!

I know I am just some random fan on the internet but I am going to say this...  I'm worried. 

If you've been following me for the last year or so on my various blogs, you know that I was teasing Chris Sabin about his hair.  I was asked why I never teased Alex Shelley about anything.  At the time, I did not see any faults in him.  Then I started to watch old footage of him again from 2005/06 and compared it to what he looked like in 2009.  He was about to my naked eye 25 pounds lighter in a bad way.  And we all know cameras add weight to us.  So that means he's even thinner in real life.

I made a comment.  Good or Bad I made a comment about his being too thin. 

But I wasn't the only one around here who thought that. 

Few months ago, Mr. Shelley made a comment in one of his spike blog posts about starving himself. I threw a screw when I saw that. 
Why? I'm just a fan who's never even talked to him personally. I thought it was the wrong thing to say with so many young fans reading.  The wrong thing to say with so many readers who have zero self esteem who take their cues from their heroes.  So, I wrote a short story about binge eating.  My vampire chef story He's Haunting Me on this blog.  And I quoted a line from Mr. Shelley's half of that blog post.  Which I might add to the lady who thought the binge eating scene was a rape that's something I'll rant about another time
Knowing there are impressionable people out there who might be in an emotionally bad place to begin with read that particular post and see Mr. Shelley say he starves himself; they may just say something like "oh it's okay cause Alex Shelley does it too".  It made me mad. 

At the same time, I was reviewing a book on eating disorders by Laine Shaw  where she talks about the fact men with eating disorders do not get diagnosed as easily as women do.  Talk about timing no?

I am a foodie. I'm also someone who has a history of Bulimia.  My weight has yo-yoed from 300pounds to 120pounds to 250pounds to 118pounds to where I am now, 160pounds. Yes, that is right I have no problem admitting my weight. But I am alive to admit it. Had I kept on the way I was going few years ago, I might not be here to admit it.  I had liver problems because of the Bulimia. I now have Acid Reflex like no one's business and lost a tooth because of the vomiting destroying my teeth.

Mine was caused by bad self esteem. It took me nearly 10 years to finally get my own eating disorder under control.

So today, reading Alex Shelley say he thinks he has an eating disorder then brush it off with the comment about the 14 hours... dude. You made me cry, for a good ten minutes you made a fan cry.

I hate mornings now

Couldn't sleep.  Neighbour's kid was up screaming in the hallway.  Got up, made a coffee turned on the computer.  No internet.  Great wonderful. 
Doorbell rang, the next book for review arrived "The Ex Boyfriend Handbook" was chatting with the delivery lady as she's gotten to know me a bit. 
Internet still out so had to call the phone company. Me thinking that because they are just opening for the day that I wouldn't be on hold for long.  HAHAHAHA! talk about stupid thoughts.  On hold for almost an hour then the guy tells me everything is fine on their end to check my cell phone.  I do not have internet on my cell phone, I'm too poor for such things. He laughed.  LAUGHED because I do not have net on my cell.  Bastard.  Then tells me to check all my boxes and wires. 
This would normally get a dirty joke out of me, but after being on hold for nearly an hour before the day even starts and him laughing at the no cell net part... I went ahead and checked all the cables and dren; the whole time rattling things loudly into the phone to annoy the guy.
Ends up, there was a loose wire sticking out of one of the cables.  I am guessing it got pulled or tripped over or stepped on or something, cause it was a little yellow wire sticking out of the casing.  all that trouble for something smaller then a pin.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

No more Mr. Darcy Please!

None! No no more Mr. Darcy.  I can't take it any more.   
Everyone and their dog's grandmother knows by now that I am a big big fan of Jane Austen.  Right okay, and most of you all know that I do book reviews. Right okay, and many of you have heard me say that the main book publisher that I do reviews for has nearly 40 + authors who do one thing, write Jane Austen sequels.  Right okay.

No more Mr. Darcy please!!!!   I can't take any more Pride and Prejudice sequels.  I am feeling like I am having a mental heroine over dose or something.  Jane Austen had other novels besides P&P damn it!  Why does Darcy and Elizabeth get all the frealing sequels????????

And the worst part of this... I have 3 more Darcy filled books on the never ending stack of review books to get through after this one. 

This is the part where I must remember to tell myself I love my job I love my job I love my job.....

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Tuesday 5:20pm

Still terrified about the International Model Guy asking me out.  It's like part of me is waiting for the world to end.

Speaking of such horrible things,  18,770. That's the number of hits to the MotorCityMachine Guns! Spike blog post for last week (Treats and Tricks) amazing number for one post.  But there are no comments.  None.  Not even their faithful comment dude.  How is that possible?   How can they have that many hits and zero comments?

If this keeps up, I might have to do the unthinkable and leave a comment just cause it's so naked looking.

I made a veggie burger for dinner.  It's not something I do too often. One, because Soya meat replacement foods are uber expensive, and Two, you gain more weight eating that stuff -cause it's all processed foods- then you would if you were a carnivore.
I've been trying to eat less processed foods in the last few months.  Only thing is, it seems I'm not getting as much protein either.  And let's be honest, you can only eat so much eggs and beans.  Being a vegetarian is one of the hardest things to do in this city.  There are no places that have completely veggie dishes at all.
What drives my goat is that 15 years ago, this town was almost all vegan, when I was still a carnivore. Since I became a vegetarian, it's gotten more BBQ and Steak Houses then you could think of. 

You know what's great, the repeat function on the dvd player for cds.  I've got Journey on with the song "Don't Stop Believing"  on repeat.  Just figured while I was babbling about nothing of any interest or importance I would mention what I'm listening to tonight.

Tuesday 3pm

I just got a message from International Model Guy.  Asking if I want to get together this weekend.
Seriously,  I am in shock.  I mean, this guy sort of has this Ashton Kutcher/Josh Hartnett sort of thing going on.

Talk about a guy being out of my league.

You know what... I think I am actually terrified. 

Ever get the feeling your getting short changed

Gurus, Life Coaches, Sexperts, and Experts, all have something to say.  Most of it different.

You've heard me say that I've started to work with life coaches this last year.  Has my situation improved?  A dram.  Nothing like what I was hoping or promised for that matter.

The thing is,  half of them are saying timing is everything, that nothing will happen til it's meant to. No matter how hard you work at something it won't happen till the stars line up for you.
The other half are saying if you are getting blockage after blockage no matter what your dreams are, that it means your dreams are not what you are meant to be doing.  That your real destiny is something else. 

My question to that is then why is it your dream?

Okay, timing is everything, but isn't hard work and dedication as well?  Does that mean nothing?  Setting things in motion and waiting for a reaction has to count for something doesn't it?

So what I think I learned today is this... ??????????????????????????????????

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Killed by Love or Just Strung Out

This is another of those moments when I hate having a guy point something out to me.   Remember once or twice before, I've mentioned that my friend's husband is always right.... well, it was brought to my attention that maybe my soulmate/true love bailed cause I bored him or made him feel less then special.

Yes my Spudguns,  you all remember the biggest omen around : when the right side of your body itches your true love is thinking of you:      and you might remember that my friend's husband made the comment that my true love is a regular reader of my blog and that he most likely bailed because either I freaked him out with my soulmate stuff or that maybe he simply got into a relationship, cause the itching I had every night for three months stopped.

Well, new thought came into things.  And remember I'm admitting friend's husband is right 90% of the time so I am really taking this serious.   The other thing could be that  he might have gotten tired of seeing nothing but screen captures of Sabin and Shelley.  Friend's husband went on to say that if it was him visiting the blog of his wife (before they got together)  and saw nothing but her favourite celebrities he'd stop caring and move on too. 
Makes sense as much as I hate to admit it. 
BUT, I'm pretty sure the wrestling stuff is what would have introduced any male readers to my blog on a regular basis.   Let me rephrase that,  any male readers who are not former boyfriends/lovers.  As I know a few men from my past who read me to see if I'm going to talk about them...Freud.

So if that's the case, if the guy stumbled on my blog because of the wrestling; then he knew what he was setting himself up for, no? Why bail?

Friend's husband's buddy was over and added this comment to the issue "what if it's another wrestler, who is not only tired of seeing these other guys as competition at work but for your time?"  
I swear, the colder the weather gets the smarter the men get.  I've never really thought of this before, now it's all I've been able to think of for the last few hours.

I should have seen that coming

I woke up to an email.

From Sci-Fi Guy canceling tonight. 

What is with me and men? 

Photo by ME 2010

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Coffee break

Well yeah sort of.   I'm sitting here feeling like death warmed over with ketchup, and thought I'd check out the MotorCityMachine Guns! Spike blog this week... again.  Yes, I skimmed it the other day but did not pay close attention the first time. 

18,373.   That is the number of blog hits to that one post since Thursday.  It's only Saturday.  Oh My.  that's a record is it not?   I believe that surpassed your boys last two blog posts combine.  Don't quote me on that as I can not do math to save my life. 

Mr. Sabin had me laughing with his half of the post. That would have been a drenny costume... don't worry my Spudguns if you don't get the joke in that, Mr. Sabin will.  I know I know I've lost part of my razor's edge and venom lately.

Mr. Shelley... my instinct is to offer you a cup of tea and a slice of banana loaf, and ask you if you want to talk about it.  No venom, no jokes just straight up ask if you're okay.

Well, if by chance you get around to seeing this before your ppv tomorrow, good luck. Don't get hurt.

TNA Reaction for Nov 4th 2010

I took a four day weekend last week from any kind of reviews (wrestling and book) because it was Hallowe'en.  With that said...

We open Reaction with Matt Morgan the evil druid, having just pinned Bishoff and signing a contract to be in the ppv this weekend against Jeff Hardy.  Interesting switch up there and I have to say not a bad move at all.

Cut to camera 1, Jeff Hardy giving us an English lesson of sorts with what he believes Immortal stands for.

Cut to camera 2, Bishoff telling us why he fired a ref earlier in the night. 

Cut to camera 3, Matt Morgan telling us why he has turned on Fortune. 

Cut to camera 4, Jeff Jarrett talks about how he did not sell out. 

Cut to camera 5, Samoa Joe talked about not having any true friends in the company.

Cut to camera 1, more with Hardy discussing Jeff Jarrett and his part in the latest twist. One thing, do we really need to see Hardy licking the belt all the time?  No no we do not. Icky.

Cut to camera 6, Rhino talking about the fact that at the ppv this weekend, someone in their group will get fired if they loose.

Cut to camera 7, Stevie Richards adding to the pot about how they all know it's coming.

Cut to camera 8, Raven giving his take on this issue as well, and might I add looking as only Raven can look. 

Cut to camera 9, Tommy Dreamer adding his take on this EV2/RVD issue.

Cut to camera 10 Full Shot of EV2 (everything has been in medium close ups to this point... sorry I miss working in tv)  talking about the issue, tossing out questions the way the fans do when hanging in forums.  Which was a cool.

Cut to camera 11, Douglas Williams and Kazarian talking about the match they had earlier in the night, against each other.  Bit of mess dripping into Fortune, will Williams be the next out of the gang? and by the by Flair on Impact earlier had called Williams ugly... shame on you! Douglas Williams is a million times sexier then you.

Cut to camera 12,  Pope talking about his new feud with Abyss.  I do like the demon/saint theory that's always an interesting way to roll even when it's just sort of metaphorically being used for a chat.

Cut to camera 13, Abyss with his reply to Pope's challenge about a lumber jack match at the ppv. A lumber jack match that will contain members of the crowd if I understand proper?  Should be interesting.

Cut to camera 14, Chris Sabin talking about their match against the Team 3D at the ppv, the retirement match.  Zoom out to see Alex Shelley who made the comment about how Team 3D is the last of a dying breed as far as great teams go.

Cut to camera 15, and we get Team 3D's take on their choice to ask the MMG for this match.

Cut back to camera 14, Sabin again giving respect to Team 3D,

I still would like to know what happens to the belts if 3D win; will new belts be issued for the MMG? Will a tournament be held? Cause if the MMG loose to Team 3D and they retire, then wouldn't Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin still actually be the champs or just the number one contenders? See this is too much for my zombie brain to compute.
The last few minutes of the show was a montage of snips from everything.

I have to say, it's good to see someone finally listened to the Fans as far as the Spike site goes, as the MMG blog, Impact and Reaction were all up on time this week. Huge thanks for that.

No, I did not do a review for Impact this week because I was disappointed by this week's Impact.  I thought it sucked.  Reaction however,  I was very impressed with.

This week's episode of Reaction gets a B+

Friday, November 5, 2010

Out of the darkness

Sci-Fi guy just emailed me.

For those who did not read my old blog... last year when I was dating and writing my series of dating misadventures,  (Are There Any Straight Single Men Left On This Planet)  I went out on this one really confusing date with this guy who was also a writer.  We had some great chemistry, but for whatever reason, it just didn't pan out.  He never called back and never returned my email.

Tonight, out of nowhere he emailed.   Something tells me I might have to have a chat with Starbucks Dude....

Thursday, November 4, 2010

And if I asked

If I asked if you are okay, would you tell me? 
If I worried that the last thing I heard you say made me want to hug you and tell you to have a hot cup of tea and sleep, would you let me make it for you?
If I said to you, when you need to talk I'm here, even if that means you just need to scream and vent at someone, would you feel comfortable doing so?

Come on, admit it, I made you giggle.

Teflon yourself

I just had a published author tell me that it took 3 books before they got an agent/publisher.  
3 manuscripts!  That's like 12 years of their life before they got noticed.  I had someone else tell me they had a stack of rejection letters the size of a phone book before they got an agent.

Dude! I've had more then a few rejection letters over the years as it is.  Been screwed out of money by editors who weren't what they claimed, publishers who were nothing more then liars. 
Teflon myself.  Yeah, sure easy for them to say, they have husbands/wives to cry to at night when the dren hits the walls. 

All I have is this bloggy-blog (okay a string of bloggy-blogs) and an addiction to wrestlers.  I'm already 36.  Maybe I need to finish writing that A.J. Styles story Dear Miss Bates that I have started on this blog?

Clean Your Shorts!

Okay, I was thinking the other night and did this..... here   so come play

I know I know I can't keep my mouth shut and this is the last thing I need to be taking on right now. BUT, you know me.  When do I ever back down ... okay there was that once few months ago on here with the staking and garlic but ... HEY they do build coffins for two

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Wed Nov 3rd -Oh?

Starbucks Dude read my blog last night after I complained about missing flirting.  He pointed me towards this guy.  International Model Guy. 

Starbucks Dude: " He makes that wrestler that you're always crushing look like hamburger helper." 

Me:"What's wrong with Hamburger Helper?"

Starbucks Dude:  " Do you want to meet International Model Guy or what?"

Well, yeah I just finished bitching about being alone so of course I want to meet this guy.
He happens to be living here now, I don't have all the details, but he's originally from here or something. Anyways, International Model Guy (IMG) and I spent a brief few minutes chatting.  We exchanged emails, and he ended the thing by saying "I find you extremely interesting and at somepoint would like to go have a coffee" 

Translation "I think your an ugly cow but I will string you along for a few weeks just in case I get really bored/horny/dumped."

I'm just going to go make pasta and watch Best of the X-Division vol 2

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

I miss flirting

Well I do.

It's been way too long since I received cute little emails, texts with little comments, or even little bedtime -wanted to say good night- phone calls. 

I miss the feeling of butterflies in my stomach at the thought of a man. (Mr. Shelley and Mr. Sabin don't count cause they're...um...er...famous????) I miss the rush of staring into a guy's eyes and seeing the pupils dilate. I miss the way men blush when they smile and smirk.  I miss the point before you start dating when you're standing together both nervous before that first kiss.

I'm not ready to give up and become a museum.  Anyone have anyone they can set me up with?

photo by Me 2010

Tuesday night

The rush of October season is over, everything is winding down for a bit before the winter holidays kick into gear.  So you have about a week and a half before I would normally go into hibernation or what I like to call "the three months of suicide for women" time. 
I've said this in the past, that the dates between Nov 15th and Feb 18th have the highest rates for women to be committing suicide.  Even though winter is the season of the vampire, I hate the holidays.  Can't stomach them at all.  Feb 14th should be demolished!

With that all said, I am trying to have a happier attitude this year.  Doing my best not to look at it as the evil hell day that it normally is,  or that Dec 25th-Jan 3rd are either.  Did I mention I hate the holidays.

With all the books I have for review, and really I should be reading right now not blogging cause I am behind two reviews (3 weeks of work) I will have something to keep my mind off the badness of the holidays. 

So Carry On....

Monday, November 1, 2010

Inspire me... please!

I haven't written a thing on my novel or on the short stories or my zombie/vampire film for that matter in over a month.   This is the worst writer's block I've had in years. 

I need a guy, just one, who will either answer my stupid little questions on this blog, or who is willing to leave comments or something. 

I need a new muse! 

I've said more then once that I can't seem to work unless there is a man in my life, or at lest a crush, or even a best male friend.   Big on with the shortage of testosterone as of late.   All my male friends started dating and bailed on me. 

So for my male Spudguns.... dude! This is me begging on my knees getting dirty scraps on them and bruises.  I need to at lest finish the two shorts on this blog  Lights out in the Library and Dear Miss Bates come on guys throw me a bone here...

Now... November

It's All Soul's Day/All Saint's Day depending on where you are in the world.

no I have not  gotten the article done yet for that new blog I was asked to contribute to.  I'm having a hell of a time getting it written and still have it be family friendly. 

For the first time in years, I had a good Hallowe'en. I'm still feeling groovy.  Usually, I spend the morning cooking, then the afternoon getting ready, little black dress - go for drinks, then a horror movie and dinner before ritual.  Usually, someone cancels, or we end up waiting forever at the restaurant and end up late getting back and supper gets forgotten.  I get stressed and disappointed because nothing turns out the way I hope.

This year I said screw it.  I'm not cooking, I'm not wasting money and time trying to have what should be a relaxing drink, and I'm just tired of people breaking their promises.   Hallowe'en, for some of us Pagans, is a mix of Thanksgiving and New Years.  This year, I stayed in. 

I curled up on the sofa with half a cheesecake and season one of Sex and the City and just relaxed.  Did not cook, did not work did not think.   And with no expectations I had a good time.

I must start doing that more.  Not having any expectations on things.