Sunday, October 31, 2010

Flashback heartbreak

Out of nowhere, I got a message from someone on the dating site.  Yes, the dating site I thought I had put my profile into hidden mode from (certain sites have a disclaimer that if you delete your profile they can still use you in ads on the internet so it's better just to go into hidden mode)
Everything was fine, I've been on top of the world today, and then BAM! I see his photo.  He was online. Dargo.

And here I thought I was doing so good too.  I hadn't thought of him in months. It was like my heart caught in my throat and my lips went numb.  Yeah, I had that internal fight with myself debating if I should send him a message. 

Not too worry, I did not have the guts.  I mean, what would I say anyway?  Hey how's it hanging you broke my heart you frealnik.   So here I am, taking a few deep breaths and blogging about it.  What a time to give up drinking. 

The big crazy of it is,  they say when two people are destined to be together, they can not avoid each other.  Let me tell you something about Dargo I don't think I ever uttered out loud to anyone... after my car accident, and I was in the hospital still, I was sitting there after physio one day looking at my broken hand, and just knew he was not the guy I would spend my life with, and I was okay with it.   When we did leave each other's lives six months later, I never cried.  I was secure with the fact that he had been a great relationship for what it was suppose to have been in my life. 

So, then even with the knowledge that he's not the ONE, just not the guy I'm meant to be with, why does he still make my breath catch in my throat?
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