When I first was thinking about this, it was going to be a rant, as I was put into motion by two members of my family. Two cousins actually.
My mom was reading me the daily updates from Facebook (which she does as if it were real newspaper headlines) and my reaction to one of my cousin's wife's daily update was a simple noise of disgust.
No one likes this wife. No one understands why she's with my cousin.
My cousin used to be this superhero-ish person. He was a hockey player, very much part of the community (did all sorts of fund raisers) worked two jobs, went to school, was the family babysitter, and still had time for his hobbies. Then he married this wife of his and lost not only interest in everything and everyone, but somehow lost his guts, his spine, his balls and his tongue. (oh wait I found them, clutched in the wife's greedy hands) They've been together now 20 years.
He no longer plays hockey, no longer takes part in any community events, doesn't have any hobbies of his own any more. He's not even able to finish his own sentences. I'm serious on this, bumped into them recently in the grocery and when I asked him how he was the wife did all the talking. I mean ALL the talking. My cousin just stood there with that fifty yard stare/deer caught in the headlights/zombie ate my brain look.
His brother (my younger cousin) married her best friend. Guess what... yeah you can find his balls in her purse too.
Now you see why this was originally going to be a rant.
But there is a flipside to this topic.
Friends of mine who used to be heavy partiers who when they met their mates slowed down to a healthy stableness.
It showed first in them not going to the bar every night, then not drinking all the time, to getting a better sense of themselves, finding hobbies that did not include being bar stars. And of course watching the same shows as their mates.
I find this is the kicker. My friend Butterfly, who would never sit still long enough to watch five minutes of tv, has become a tv junkie for shows like Survivor. She took on parts of her husband's personality.
When I used to hang out with Theia and Jor a million years ago, they would talk like each other. Started to dress the same, and listened to the same music.
How much influence do we have on our mates and how much should we?
I'm not sure what parts of my personality I would want to see showing up in a mate, or for that matter what I would want to mimic from any man I end up with?
But one thing for sure, there is no fun in being with a zombie or a bully.