Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Tuesday Aug 24th 2010 5 pm

My mother decided she wanted to go to the movies today.  Right off I should have known something was off kilter.  Mom never likes to go anywhere but shopping.  And she never asks me to do things like that. I should have been more careful. 
She wanted to see the new Jason Bateman movie   The Switch  okay, I actually wanted to see that too so sure why not.
We get on the bus and she starts talking about Setla's play and made the comment about how I never go to see any of them.  She kept poking at the topic for the whole bus ride. And then I in my stupidity, told her cause my ex is part of the theater group and I do not want to see him.   Mom sat up straight with a big grin on her face.  She, it seems already knew this.   Setla told her.  What her game was today is beyond me.

We get to the cinema and take our seats.  Mom opens the bottle of pop she had and it goes everywhere.  It had been in my bag the whole bus ride and I told her to wait.  So sitting there beside her, sticky and freezing cause the air conditioning was on. 

Movie was pretty good for a typical romantic comedy.  Funny very funny.  And it got me thinking about the whole having a kid idea again.  Yeah, I know I know there's something happening that I have no idea how to explain.  I guess my age is finally catching up with me or something. 
So the plot of the film is that Jennifer Aniston's character decides she wants to have a baby and asks her best friend to help pick someone.  When he gets jealous she goes ahead and picks a married man to be the donor.  The sperm gets dropped and spilled and Jason Bateman's character then replaces it with his own. Years later the three of them, are in a twist as the original donor's wife leaves him and he becomes a sudden figure in their lives. 
The two things that went through my mind the most during the movie were, 1) what does it cost ? and 2) if all the adults in the film have blue eyes why did they cast a kid with brown eyes?  
Yes, I was thinking about the actual genetics of what the kid should have looked like.  Don't ask I don't know. 
So then what is the final deciding factor in wanting to go that route? 

I have always believed children ruin relationships.  That is because they did in my family and friend's.  We all know that we continue what we learn unless we make a choice to change the cycle that we are in. That we are apart of. 
Whenever someone in my family, or my social circle had a kid, they moved away emotionally from everyone.  The singletons got locked out of the social order and the relatives as well for that matter. 

I'm at a point where I am trying to change my life, change the way I present myself to the world because I am trying to bring my soulmate to me.  But at the same time, all I can think about as of late is the idea of a kid.  
To me this is a massive conflict.  How could I have a real solid faithful loving soulmate relationship with a kid in the mix? 
I can not.  It's one or the other.

I wonder if I should even bother checking into the cost of the procedure?