Saturday, July 31, 2010

Yes okay this bothered me

Which makes me selfish and immature to the max.

Ninja,  my younger sister (she's 8 years younger) is leveling up so to speak.   Her and her boyfriend moved two months ago into a wicked apartment/condo.  She just was offered a promotion after only being at this job for 5 months.  She has a great social group that is always doing something fabulous. Step mother to her boyfriend's kids.  And now, there is talk of marriage. 

Yes, you've all heard me at some point talk about the fact that her boyfriend is currently getting a divorce from his first wife, and it won't be long before she's going to be making it legal with him.

I'm happy for my sister.  I am.  Don't get me wrong. 

I'm upset my YOUNGER sister is going to be married before me.  I can not lie about that.  Which makes me a totally selfish asshole I know this.  I can not help it.

I'm the last one.  The last one of my social group not married and now the last one of our family not married.  I have a few younger cousins who are on their second marriages.  I have younger cousins who have been married for almost 15 years who are barely in their early 30's right now.   (big family huge. There was 17  of us grand-kids on my mom's side, and 8 great-grand kids.  14 of us  grand-kids on my dad's side, and 5 great-grand kids)

Does not seem to matter how much "self work and healing"  I do,  I'm not able to get past this.  It feels like a slap to the face.
I feel like one of the spinster ladies in a Jane Austen novel.  Not even useful enough to be a governess. Just, forgotten like leftovers.

I guess I sort of knew it was coming,  as my sister bought herself a ring last month that looks way too much like a wedding ring. 

Just when I thought I had dealt with all my issues, I find out I have another one.  I'm jealous that my younger sister will be married and I will not.