Sunday, February 20, 2011

So now what?

The clock is ticking away. It's all I can hear.  Tick tick tick.  Reminding me once again, that everyone else, everything else is moving forward and I'm not.
Worst of all, I've lost my voice.  Not my physical voice, but my writing one. Hell, my blogging voice.
I've tried on the styles of Candace Bushnell, Hunter S. Thompston, and even Bridget Jones, who's fictional.  They've all done me well, until now.
My blogging used to be, in the beginning way back years ago when I started on my very first blog (which I found out got deleted by MSN because they switched formats) informative.  I wrote articles, columns that took me a full week to write. 
Now, I just randomly post.  Now, it's just alot of busy nothings.
I'm unhappy.  I'm feeling let down, and uninspired. I'm not sure what to do either.   Maybe I do need to go back to doing wrestling reviews? At lest that was a proper format that I had to dedicate time to.
The problem with creating an identity for yourself online and doing your best to build it up to something, is that when you start to grow in your real world a little, you are stuck.  Sure, your internet self can grow with you, or you can let it be where it is and move on.
I think I am at this impasse. 
I used to blog under my old nic name, which I had since I was 13. I was 32 when I switched to this one. I'll be 37 next month. When I had created this identity, I had never meant it to become me. Somehow it did. I had a bad day and one afternoon, used the blog that I had been writing in character; to talk out of character to let off steam. I should have kept the blogs back then separate.
But I didn't. 
This character was someone I created years ago in college and re-worked for a vampire movie I was doing. Somehow, I got too comfortable with being her.
Now, I'm left wanting to grow up and not sure if I can.
I've got more then a couple other blogs I've been spreading my time onto, and only two of them -the cooking and book reviews- are done under my real name.  Tells you what I suppose I take serious.
While I take some time to get as many book reviews done by deadline as I can, I think I might make this one a bit more serious too.
I'm not too sure how yet, but I'm going to try.

See all you Spudguns next week.