Sunday, June 19, 2011

When you can't stop thinking about it

I was once told by someone that all I was good for was watching tv. 

I'll let you digest that for a minute. 

Why they said it, I will never know.  Looking back on the years I was friends with them I wonder why they said so many of the hurtful things they did, and why I put up with it.

When I first started blogging over 8 years ago, I thought about what I was good at.   What I could talk about.  Books, movies, television were on the top of the list.  I became an online critic and reviewer.  Ironic isn't it?  

Fast forward to few days ago.  I'd gotten a message on Facebook from someone I hadn't seen since high school 20 years ago.  Someone who told me they didn't like me, they liked the fact I lived in the city and they lived in the outskirts of town and that is why they hung around me.  
I noticed a pattern here.  It's taken me 20 years to notice it but I noticed a pattern here.   You know how when you end up in a bad relationship, over and over again, it's usually a case of you pick the wrong mate... well yeah, seems I can not pick the right best friends either. 
The so-called best friends I've had over the years, all had the same personality traits.  {ironically they've all been high school drop outs who were teen moms that couldn't understand why I would want to leave the city when there is a "perfectly good nursing program at the college once you get your upgrading"}
Nor could they ever understand why I wanted to be a writer. 

So on this lovely damp, chilled, thunder stormed Sunday morning;  I can think about nothing else but why I attracted this sort of person to me over and over again during my life.  And why I can see it now but couldn't before? 
The only answer I can come up with is that my self esteem was so low it made cracks in the sidewalk jealous. 

And now... my self esteem is much higher. It's around the lower rope just above the ring apron. And it's fabulous. ppppsssttt...  you want to know what else... girls who watch alot of tv and write about it get noticed by hot men in tights. {well Sir I still have an addiction!}

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